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super lengthy post ahead!

So 2017 was my worst year yet. I wont really get into too much details but it was honestly the worst.

When I started first year of university in 2016, I was doing really good to be honest but from December 2016 to April 2017, my studies went down hill and they went down hill because there was a lot of things going on at home. I lived on campus, which meant that everything that happened at home, I wouldn't know unless somebody at home called me.OOH, the cherry on the cake, on top of everything going on at home, my grandmother passes away. My grandmother was ill but I honestly didn't expect for her to die. Plus I found out about her death in the worst way. My brother had Whatsapp'd me saying "Grandma just died". I was in my uni accommodation by my self, I started crying so hard that I even vomited. Another death that hurt me was Kim Jonghyun from SHINee. You guys, SHINee was one of the first K-pop groups that I got into. Even though I am no longer interested in K-pop ( I never really was. My friends forced me. I only liked a few groups, not even gonna lie), his death really hit home. Rest in Peace.

 Fast forward to summer, I move back home and as the days was going by, the situation kept getting worse. As the situation was getting worse, I had also lost my faith and my beliefs.

The situation was honestly depressing me, so it resulted me to binge eating. I would over eat during the summer to suppress my feelings. I didn't go out or work in the summer either which meant that I put on soooooooo much weight guys. I haven't weight my self on a scale because I am scared to see the numbers but I already know that I have gained a lot of weight because not only can I see it. I can feel it and its the worse ever. I have also been dealing with low confidence since I put on weight in the summer. It's driving me crazy. I have dealt with body confidence issues when I was 14, so the one that I am currently dealing with isn't as bad.

My uni work in 2017 was the worst too. This is second year now and I was having problems with my accommodation ( I still am) , I couldn't send my assignment on time because of technical difficulties, I missed my group presentation due to snow and my first term grades are honestly a hot mess. Nothing was working in my favour at all. I know I may sound like a brat from that statement but honestly, nothing, AT ALL was going in my favour. 2018 comes and I am still dealing with last years problems. As soon as I stepped into 2018, I got ill. I have been ill for the past 2 weeks and a week before me being ill, I was in a slump. Also, I have no wifi at home, so I am currently house hopping lmao.

Now that I have briefly told you the bad things that happened to me, I will bullet point you guys the good things that had happened in my life in 2017  and earlier on this month( if I can remember).

2017/18

• I met some very good people that are now my close friends, shout out to you guys (you guys know who you are.)
• my uncle got engaged
• Even though I did horrible in 1st year uni, I managed to get into 2nd year
• I got baptised
• I got a new camera
• I started my room makeover
• despite my beloved grandma passing away, everyone else in my family is okay & alive
• I am still breathing
• I am working on my mental health 
• trying to stop being a pessimist 

This post is very different from what I usually post and that is because I wanted to be more "open" about myself and even though this post is lowkey, high key a rant, I hope that it helps someone out there reading this. 

"There is always a light at the end of the tunnel so please, keep on riding it. While you are at it, enjoy the ride. Enjoy it so that when you get off of the ride, you can look back and have wonderful, bittersweet memories of that ride. Enjoy it while you can. " - A horrible nonsensical cringy but true quote by me

Anyways, In  Jesus name, February & onward will be my month.  I will work really hard to make this year a good year. Not just for me but for everyone else.

I know this post is super late, but I hope you liked it & I will see you in my next post, goodbye!

(PS, my spelling and grammar is trash I know. I didn't even get time to proof read this. Okay, I'm going now)

Steffi

xxx